So I’m on the road an hour before Dawn to travel to a courthouse deep in southwest Virginia so I can have a video hearing with the judge sitting in Roanoke. They have a video screen on the bench, reminiscent of Max Headroom. They call my case and the high definition judge comments, “excuse me Mr. Gardner, could you back up a little I can’t get you in the screen. “ i’m thinking maybe I shouldn’t have had that slim fast milk shake for breakfast. #resolutions. The defense raises eight arguments. Eight. I comment to the judge that this is like a Hokie football game - "Your offense is bad your defense is bad but you walk out of the stadium saying, “how in the heck did we just win that game?" But in this case, like this year, there is absolutely no defense. There is no blocked punt or last-minute fumble. No lie. The judge ruled in my favor and stated from the bench, and I quote, “you’ll always have ODU. “ So I’m leaving town and pull into a gas station and a guy turns around carrying two 32 ounce beers and a Styrofoam box dripping sausage gravy. It’s 10AM. He proclaims that the woman behind the counter was so good she sold him a meal and he wasn’t even hungry. She takes one look at me and says, “yeah, but YOU don’t look hungry. “ I get back in my car hearing “Life’s been good” by Joe Walsh. Welcome to 2019.
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