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  • Scott Gardner

Practicing in SW Va. Christmas Edition

In a nice little court to the east of Salem. Names have been changed to protect the innocent. Judge: You are looking to evict someone right before the holiday? Me: Just doing what I'm told. Judge rubs his head. Judge: You drive all the way down here from Maryland? Me: No, that's my home office, I'm from Salem. Judge rubs his head again "You have a pretty good football team down there." Gives me a look like he lost money on the game last week. Me: That's what I'm told. Judge looks at the defendant who has a striking resemblance to Luke Duke. "Your honor, I've been paying all my rent and the place is all broken down. Nothing works." Me: Uh... Then from the back of the courtroom emerges a new partygoer who approaches with a booming voice, "Judge, kick him out. He's a lying, cheating, no-good scoundrel." Luke: "Judge, this guy has attacked me. He gave me these marks on my head; threatened my wife and I believe kidnapped my dog!" "Judge, I'm sure the dog ran off of his own - that place smells like a barn. Plus he's stealing cable from the house next door. He aint worth a bag of hammers." Judge: "Whats your name sir?" "Bo Duke" "Wait a minute. Are you two related?" "Yes judge, he's my brother." Me: "Well, I can understand the hostility..." Judge rubs his head some more. A few moments later I'm leaving with my order. The two men walk out behind me mumbling something about Yankee lawyers. Then Bo turns to Luke "You coming over for dinner on Sunday?" "Wouldn't miss it. How bout a ride?" They hop in a truck and speed off. I pass a Confederate statue, hop in my car, and light up a cigar as the Eagles urge me to be home for Christmas.

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